Guess’s on who’d I’d choose??

Some Alternative Titles considered for this entry were:
-The eBay Llama Debacle
-Enter Fatsy! -(if you can FIT!)
-Santa! You Dirty Old Fool!
-Because I haven’t mentioned Naruto in the entry; I feel obligated to say his name in the title.
-If Sheep Revolt…
-‘Overreaction’ Is The New ‘Christmas Spirit’
-Feel No Obligation Whatsoever To Love Thy Retarded Neighbour
-How To Know If Your An eBay Whore 101
-Warring! By now its Very Very Very Flamable!
-I shall call him Richard!
-I offer a lot of things in this entry
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Ok, who heard about censoring Santa??

No? well let me tell you!
Despite the fact that popular culture here in Australia isn’t half as uptight as America and the simple fact that the word ‘HO’ here really has two meanings before that of ‘lady of the night’ (and they are: gardening tool and 1/3 of Santa’s catch phrase.) The public has been “URGED” to replace Chris Cringles patented motto: ‘Ho Ho Ho’ with ‘Ha Ha Ha’

Wtf, Anyone?

Why? Because Oh WOE! Some stars-and-stripes twat was suddenly woken in a cold sweat in the middle of the night when the cold hard realisation hit him hard in the gut. That- gasp!- Children will grow up and make the connection! Between daddy’s new blonde secretary ‘friend’ that comes and stays for sleep overs when mummy’s at weekend business seminars… and Santa….???

Overreaction, Anyone?

Really Now!? Honestly! Today’s children aren’t so piss weak! They will DEAL! I know children now! They like fights! They like dirt! They like eating the sand outta the sand pit and will eat food they drop on the floor! CHILDREN ARE FILTHY WORLD! And they will grow up and be as retarded as us and laugh- actually LAUGH at the word ‘enis’ and ‘vulva’ in grade five! And they don’t give a damn!!

They have far better things to do with their time then to focus on how our faces contort with muse when we hear Santa cry: Ho Ho Ho. They will not make the connection unless we told them. And even then- by the time they grow up and become awear, today’s children will have a word FAR worse then HO. We aren’t protecting them from Shit!

Heated Rant, Anyone?

Do I really have to o round to every childcare centre I can (break into) and replace all the Christmas displays ‘A’s with ‘O’s??? I will never endorse an ‘A’ in place of ‘O’! We kicked the black sheep out of our nursery rhymes of fear of…? Of what!! Did you think that if the sheep were to ever take over the world that the black one would demand an apology for all the black oppression? -(well I suppose that is Australia’s and America’s thing.) it’s a fucking EXPRESSION! Black sheep! Not a fucking metaphor for years of black oppression! Geeze! Sometimes a nursery rhyme really IS just a fucking harmless non-metaphorically-racacialy-brainwashing nursery rhyme.

Fuck wussy overy sensitized logic! My Santa, who has always had a dirty fascist closed mind and a gutter mouth, cracks the bondage whip over 12 overworked underpaid jewish/African American and Aboriginal reindeer (some of which are single working mothers). He pulls away in the devils sled while practicing black magic (how else do you think he gets all over the world in one night?) and cries out: “WHORE! SLUT! BANDWAGON!”
-and I have grow up to be neither a ‘Whore’ NOR a ‘Bandwagon!’

…

Wasted Joke, Anyone?

Besides Santa will sound like a crack head if he says Ha Ha Ha!

Stupid American bible mothers! I blame you!!

And speaking about Obese Mammals- there was this massive ass koala hanging round my yard the otherday.

Oh Hell! Its Fatsy the Carnivorous Koala!

I’m pretty sure the only reason Fatsy is so close to human abode is because he has developed a taste for human flesh.
He’s pretty damn fat. He’s the fattest Koala I’ve ever seen. He cannot be getting all that from gum leaves.
But, If you have the patience to sitting a tree all day waiting for that curious pump onlooker to wander into attack perimeter- then sure, you probably do deserve to eat them. But I don’t like Fatsy the Carnivorous Koala living so close. It puts me on edge and I expect an attack at any time.

Drop Bear, Anyone?

He’s still out there too. We can hear him making that growl pissed off noise they do in the dark.

He’s almost as loud as the (FUCKHEAD) neighbours who make and equally annoying hissing noises at our fences.

I swear! My (ASSTARD) neighbours use so much aerosol can spray on ‘making a point’ that I’m starting to wonder if they just actually dedicate a proportion of their budget to buying bulk toilet pray- OR they’ve just gotten REAL good at imitating the sound. And they just hang round the base of the brush fence and occasionally lift their hands to their mouths for an echo effect and go: ‘HESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS’ at us.

I wouldn’t be surprised. Its not like they have better things to do.

They must be solely responsible for about a solid 12% of the hole in the ozone layer by now. What assholes.

Does anyone else but me see the irony in their evil plan to teach us all a lesson about flame involving habits with extremely flammable liquids? Not to mention the fence between us is a brush Fence- and they basically go up in flames if you look at them the wrong way as it is.

One day people… One day it will happen.

And I’ll film it.

And then YouTube it.

And the world will laugh along with me. And the song that will play in the background? I’ve already made the decision.

…Neeeeeighbouuurs… Everybody needs good Neeeeiiighbbooours…

Now I kinda want my house to be under a sudden fire threat because DAMN! As if I you wouldn’t get about 80,000 hits for that video.

Public Humiliation, Anyone?

…My hand smells like chocolate… like Kinda Surprise chocolate no less…
Did anyone, when they were a kid, just grab one without a care? I mean, all I can remember is like holding two and weighing them against each other and glaring at a row of very lightweight ones… trying to decide if it was worth the risk of getting a shitty mini ass elf puzzle as opposed to the heavy ass ones, which, although felt as if they had more promise- could also turn out to be destined failures.

Remember the little statues?? Who in the FUCK were they OF!!?? Anyone still got those??

I distinctly recall this day in primary school, I was in the canteen, and this hilly billy kid comes in a tried too pay with one of those- Assuring the canteen volunteer staff that they were made of the EXACT same materials used to make Australian $2 Dollar coins.

He failed to make an financial exchange with the novelty. But you gotta admit, had moxie to try it.

Anyway, onto my final thought:

EBAY IS GOD!

Second only too… well, you should know by now.

Recently I’ve acquired a debit card and my GOD! I hadn’t lived till now! I had no idea how long I gone on not knowing the pleasure of ‘bid wars’ and paying overpriced postage and screaming “NO YOU WHORE! DON’T BID NOW! ITS GOT 6 DAYS LEFT! AHHHGGG!”- at the computer, for so long. Its amazing I made it as far as I did without it.

Sigh! These have been Halcyon Days.

So anyway, I get the package and I’m all hazzah! Over it coz well… its mail… and its got my name on it…and it went through customs and all and its…just fucking great to receive shit through the system. No matter what the fuck it is or where it came from. You could mail me a leaf and I’d be happy.

Anyway, recently I received a Llama.

Yes, a Llama.

Now originally I was expecting a fox

So when I pulled a Llama out of the package, I was a little surprised- but nether the less bemused at the delightful randomness of the situation. Of all animals made by that maker- I received one that has made a prominent appearance in daily referencing and inside jokes.

I wasted no time in letting the sender know of course:

Hi ------
Recently I bought and received a purchase from you- and it arrived very prompt for which you receive many kudos.
But I am afraid it is not exactly what I was expecting. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the item. It appears to be very well made and the general size I was expecting.
Its just as far as I can tell, it appears to be a Llama.
Or perhaps an Alpaca- but I cannot tell which and as far as I am aware they both look very much the same.
Now there is nothing wrong with Llama’s either. Or Alpaca’s for that matter.
Its just that I was expecting a fox.
Perhaps I simply live in an ignorant time and this just happens to be today’s take on a fox and while I expected a classic design- modern vulpine structure supports a long neck and thick woollen coat. Or perhaps my package was accidentally switched. Who knows.
Until I hear back for you, Richard (as I have taken to call the decidedly more-llama-like-then—an-alpaca appearing plush) is resting safely is his packaging inside the box he arrived in.
till then.

-Regards

And the response I received made my decidedly amusing day better when the seller claimed full responsibility for the mix up and offered me a full refund or my original purchase but in either case, offered will all apologies that I keep the Llama.

Having bought so much absolute crap- I now wait patiently by the windows come midday now. And find it greatly amusing to watch the postman struggle to fit my packages into the mailbox and then run out a second later to retrieve them. The only thing better is when they come to the door.

OHH! And while I’m thinking about it!! I want this guy: P Fucking DESTROYED! He’s always butting in! Excusing all capital p’s to be the same! Well there not Mr P!!

There is ‘’ and then there’s correct grammar used p’s in which a capital s sometimes necessary! It’s not ALWAYS your cue, alright! Stop butting in on my entry’s and whatnot!

YOU should be removed from the ‘emotions’ list and replaced with a family friendly attentive: :broccoli: HE would do his job right!!

Finally, On and ending note:
This entry was a brain melting:

Pages: 5
Word Count: 1,841


I wonder if there is a limit?? At what point does the scroll bar start twitching under the pressure and break down? I wonder what was the longest DA journal in DA history? Or a record for the most unrelated topics discussed in one entry?

Your head a’splode yet??