You all laughed at me. Pointed, held me down, gave me Chinese burns and stuck signs on my back!

But now who’s laughing?! ME! That’s right! My absurdist lust for abusing companies! But now it’s paying OFF!

That’s right. Of ALL my produce ranting adventures, this was surly the most …conclusive.

Sure I had to tell a few chocolate lies about allergies and my being an orphan and having no money or the like. But hey! Don’t judge me! I’m the only one round here who got RESULTS!

I shall explain:

Following the Rant-taclar events concerning my debacle with the disillusioned M&M’s in the SKITTLES packets, many of you were less then encouraging, save some who to were victims, if not empathizing with my pain.

Now I did admit my first action would be legal- but as it turns out, I wasn’t a necessary step. Once I had found the number, and had a long and pleasant formal chat with the customer service rep on the other end of the line, MARS (the company who makes m&m’s and skittles) was More then willing to compensate me for my troubles and thanked me graciously for alerting them to the issue.\

That’s right! Thanked me! For my ranting! I’ve even got it in WRITING! And you ll thought I was crazy!

I’ll have you know, were I allergic to chocolate as I lied, it would be a very serious issue. Clearly all other patrons with chocolate allergies taking joy in a skittle or two who DID encounter and m&m are already dead!

Were I not immune and able to inform the high ministries of this error, the world of skittles may have gone long into the maddening decent of chocolate forever!!!

Yeah! So come on! Thank me for my time bitches!

Anyway, today I open the mail to find two wonderful gifts:

1- a detailed carefully written letter from MARS apologising for my anguish and thanking me. And enclosed a voucher for FIVE WHOLE DOLLARS! - or 500 cents if you like- to be redeemed at any participating stores. And yes- food land IS just ONE of the 10 stores of my choosing.

2- And a letter for Sharon- who btw is now a confirmed MRS (and I assume female-though no offence to all the bottom taker girly male Sharons out there) and its turns out Sharon is married too…. RONALD!!

Ronald and Sharon sitting in a tree,
Coz I got their M-A-I-L-I-N-G….s
First came bills, then came advertisements
Then came the Ronald’s mortgage payments.

Anyway, so I get their mail still, and yes I will always open it-until the day Ronald and Sharon turn up and Ronald turns out to be some big buff pimp dude threatening to ‘go upside my head’ if I don’t ad forward it.

Hey, why discriminate. I guess Sharon could possibly give me a run for my money in a fight. I am pretty piss weak. I just panic, flail and start kicking out a lot. That’s my first reaction to threat. Kick, run, retell the story.

So speaking about mail and the like; not to like upset any PETA patrons or Vegan Chicks, but a lot of dead animals had started ending up round her lately.

When it was just One huge as rat left on the doorstep- we thought it was my cat being a cat and saying: look what I brought you.

Not so long after a possum- sorry, the bottom HALF a possum, turns up on the lawn. Apparently cut in half rather then chewed.

And we’ve always had a level amount of bird deaths round here.

Is my house built on some ancient age old aboriginal burial ground? Did a disgruntled gardener- who had always harboured a deep dislike of this neighbourhood and was killed by a wasp sting or downed in a backyard pool haunt my block? Are my neighbours leaving dead mammals on my porch?
-I wouldn’t put it past them. Fucking psychos. I swear, since this summer promises to be a cancerous one, if ‘the roof needs fixing’ while we’re in the pool again: I am so calling the cops.

Ever eaten those pop rock things? I bot hate and love those. I love the crunchy sweetness, and I don’t mind when it crackles- In your mouth. But when you swallow and its like sitting on your tonsils going crackle-crackel-crackel I feel like sticking my finger down my throat to scrape them clean.

Naruto Rant:
AHHH! DON”T DIE JIRIYA!!! I feel like he’s gunna die, either that or he’ll loose this fight in the end but escape (narrowly). Damnit! Naruto seems to have disappeared from the manga atm. Where For Art Thou Naruto?

You know you’re a Naruto addict and proud of it when I asked my mother in a VERY excited mood: DO YOU KNOWE WHAT TODAY IS???

She answered immediately if bored: Naruto’s birthday.

I was shocked but so very pleased. I have infulance!!!


That mood ain lying. I *really* do have to pee.