I must share this I MUST.

Tell me! How would YOU feel if such a horrible traumatising shocking thing happened to you!??

No I wasn’t raped! Worse! I was LIED TOO by SUGAR!

Here I was. Sitting at the computer not 3 minute ago going nom-nom-nom on a fun-size packet of Skittles. That right. I was TASTING THE RAINBOW. And I was ENJOYING this rainbow. It was a particularly fruitful rainbow and I was happy in my bubble of rainbow sugary ignorance. I was happy.

First! I have an orange one. Then two yellow ones. And then a red one. Then a green. Then an orange and an red and a purple one and so forth UNTIL I tipped the packed onto my palm and encountered the LAST SKITTLE.

It rolled onto my open palm like a child’s spit top. Coming to a final stop at the very centre of my hand. Almost offending bright sunny yellow. Glowing at the centre of my world, was this tiny, ineffectual artificial lemon.

Without much lamenting over the near death of my yellow lemon confectionary- I popped it into my mouth without another thought… Because. For WHO would fear such a pure thing as a skittle?

Little did I know…

As aforementioned, I tossed the little yellow into my mouth. My tongue at ready to receive, teeth parted in anticipation of crushing the solidified sugar into a chewable substance, lips coming together- sealing the seemingly innocent skittle to its fate like the doors or heaven closing t humanities begging as the apocalypse draws nigh.

It sat on my tongue for less then a moment. I rolled the muscle in a dance it has performed so many times before and would many times after. Manipulating the food item on auto pilot, I manoeuvred the skittle between two of my left molars. Upper teeth came crashing down, delivering sweet death of a brave little Skittle in a fashion not unlike that of the guillotine.

Oh, how wrong I was to assume!

Oh, how I regret my ignorance!

Oh! The insanity!

Surly, this is what hell must be like.

Not barely a moment passed. Saliva mixed immediately and carried the results, my senses withdrew a taste of the innards and the wires of my brain snapped to attention in order to comprehend exactly what in gods name was happening inside my mouth.

The confusion of my brain pulled my heart into my throat as if hooked on a string. My stomach plummeted into abysses. My muscles contracted. My toes- well, ok, nothing happened to my toes. But my lungs began to burn for the air my brain as screaming for in order to use the oxygen to power my great matter and produce a Conclusion!

I didn’t recognise this taste.

I had not been what I had expecting, what I had KNOWN I would experience when I crunched down on the candy. My body went into panic. It couldn’t understand. I had no means to.

On reflex, as a body will do in such a frighting situation, when it cannot understand a substance that has entered its body- I lifted up my hand spat out the unfamiliar barely broken confection.

And, by lord if I wasn’t into shock before this moment, I certainly was once my eyes took a gander and inserted their newly acquired conclusion into the equation.

It all made sense now. I understood. I knew the what, I knew the how, I knew the where. Heck! I even know the when!!

But, by god. I couldn’t, for the life of me, conclude a ‘why’!

In my hand. In my open palm I held the offender. The question mark of my existence. The very reason I stood on the earth was to answer this question.

Why?

But, and I still cannot; answer.

Why? Why in gods name? Why the HELL- why the FUCK-Was a FUCKING- M&M MASQUARADING AS A FUCKING SKITTLE!

A little white M is NOT a S!!

Fucking lying candy. PETENDING it was a Skittle!? Can you BELIVE THIS??

Trying to HANG OUT with the skittles!
That’s like me hanging out in the wog cafeteria!

HOLY HELL!
I was scared for my LIFE. I was TERRIFIDE!

Disillusioned chocolate is not artificial fruit sugar!! This is the laws of nature! It in the friggan bible:

“– John 3:16. And hence, the chocolate and chocolatries- shall enter the coated sugar packets, none. For confusion shall rein should gods law be broken. Unto this moment all coated candy be made aware! Hence is the hour in which such sin is purged. –”

How DARE that M&M RUIN my fruity experience!

I’m complaining. I am. It not right I tell you! If I’d wanted a cursed M&M I would have chosen the packed with ‘M&M’s’ Written on it. Fuck~!

I can live in a world where men can become women, and the women; men. I can live in a world where cheese can be stored and distributed from a can. I can live in a world where “the beans are under the milk”. HELL! I can live in a world where Paris Hilton could become a recording artist- as long as she stays the hell away from me.

But I will not stand for this.

Up with this I will not put.

I am deeply traumatised. I am wounded and my wounds will not heal.

I am suing.